| (no subject) |
[Jul. 4th, 2006|04:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bored | ] |
I forgot about this
I am sure the few people I knew have forgotten about me as well
I have made little progress, chalk it up to drugs, and munchies lack of self control and and unnecessary fasting that made me sick
I have a cold like symptoms .. from all the mucus that builds up after a purge
My throat is all scratchy and sore
I am really not even recovery minded anymore I just want to lose this weight
I am just sick of it, how girls do this for 10 years and more is beyond me
I am exhausted utterly exhausted and its only been 3 years. I can't wait till the 20th
that is what i would consider my ED anniversary.
aslong as when I am 25 ( that would make it ten years )
I am well or getting well if not I am going into a treatment center .
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| FUCK ME |
[Jun. 12th, 2006|11:10 am] |
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BINGED & GAINED
11/40...
so i am cutting my portions all week...
breakfast
egg whites 3 tbs -25
1 slice of canadian bacon -15
40...
I am going to have half laughing cow cheese for snack
small salad for lunch
the other half a cheese for afternoon snack and a salad some stemaed veggies and a small portion of fish for dinner
1/4 cup ricotta for desert...
I usually consume under 1000
so this will probably be half that... I want to see DRAMATIC WEIGHT LOSS THIS WEEK
I am Determined !
*I am only doing this for a week then I will up my cals back to my normal range over the course of the next week |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 2nd, 2006|02:03 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Wolfmother | ] |
I eat too much and my first reaction is to purge Its like I can feel it in moy throat refusing to go down. That is so hard to fight. I messed up today bad.. and that make me sad I was so hopeful. I am not going to purge but I will be going on a mono fast for as long as my mother is away. She keep track of my eating so it's hard to not eat exactly what i'm supposed to be eating. I will lose 40 lbs and get thin. I will not allow this binge of sorts ( I say of sorts because the caloric content was not anywhere near what my old binges were) to stop my progress. I am just going to cleanse my system again with broccli ( because its high in fiber and has <20 glycemic index) and then another 2 weeks of Phase 1 with the hopes of dropping about 10 pounds, then I move into phase 2 I think when I can eat fruit again things will be better. I am sad but in happy news I bought a bracelet and a hat...!
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 1st, 2006|01:36 pm] |
Ok I am playing this bag game, My contents are a bit different i suppose
yeah so that is it
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| (no subject) |
[May. 31st, 2006|12:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
Going gallivanting through the city today should be fun, My tooth was hurting me so I began to examine it and I realize that despite my best efforts the enamel at the back of my teeth is worn away, It's rather upsetting, But at my worst I was purging 3-5 times a day everyday. That kind of bulimia doesn't leave without scars I suppose. Its not the worse side effect, I mean so many times my heart could have just stopped and I could be dead but it's enough to make me never want to purge ever again. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 30th, 2006|01:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
Ok so I have lost 8 of the forty pounds I want to lose. It makes me happy but I still have so much left to go its just annoying. At least I can say that I really think I have been able to shake my bulimic behaviors. I decided to stop being bulimic in September so its taken 9 months which isn't very long in the scheme of ed recovery, I am not saying my ed is gone but I have no desire to binge or purge at all anymore.
8/40
so long to go
xCharlotte
In other news I have been breaking out crying for no reason at all lately, I can watch the stupidest sad movie and just break out crying, I was working out today and all of a sudden I started crying like a complete breakdown. I think something it off... |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 27th, 2006|10:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
I just made a customized mood thingy it took two hours. I used model pics and it is kind of hard to find model with real distinguishable expression most of them are just pouty lipped and their eyes look a million miles away.
just felt like sharing |
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| I should be happy... |
[May. 27th, 2006|06:04 pm] |
I have lost 6lbs in about 7 days I should be happy, but who can I be when I lost 5 lbs withing the first 3 days. It has completely slowed down. So I am going to start working out a lot, I hope that will jump start the weight loss. Right now I am watching a program about and obese women who lost 300 lbs. And I am jealous... I am sick. I wish I could lose a massive amount of weight I just want to have a body I like.
Reasons to work out more
1. loss weight faster
2. nice and fit stomach and thighs
3. Bikini season
4. Ballet in the Fall
5. Cause I am a fat ass
I don't like this lay out so I changing it again. |
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| A survey |
[May. 26th, 2006|05:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | my dad is playing phantom of opera | ] |
I FILLED THIS OUT FOR A COMMUNITY I AM IN BUT I FIGURED I MIGHT AS WELL POST IT HERE CAUSE I AM NEW TO LJ
* Name: For all intensive purposes Charlotte
* Age: 18
* Location: NY,NY
EATING DISORDER
* An explanation of your e.d.: started ana, then became a binge eater, then bulimic diagnosed restricting Bulimic
* How long have you had it?: all that fun happend within the span of 3 years
* Have you been officially diagnosed?:yup
* Have you been treated for it?:somewhat before quitting, they don't take bulimia that seriously so you can quite pretty easily
* Have you been hospitalized for it?: nope
* Have you been "in recovery"?: yes but not like in a hospital or anything, just like a program
* Do other people know?: yup a few by now, my 2 best friends at home and a few girls i met at school who had ed's
OTHER MENTAL HEALTH
* Any other mental illness?: Hmmm... never diagnosed but it's highly possible
* Any medications?: nope
* Any other "self-destructive habits" (like self-injury, substance abuse, etc)?: cutting and burning since I was 11, hardcore for like 4 years then stopped for like 1 year but do it sporadically still
* Are you in therapy?: NOOOO
OTHER UNRELATED STUFF ABOUT YOU
* Are you in school?: Yup, college
* What kind of music do you like?: hmmm this is hard so i will just post some bands i like
1.Queen
2.Nirvana
3.The Clash
4.We are scientist
5.Incubus
6.The Von Bondies
7.The Used
8.Brand New
I think this represents my music taste pretty well. it spans many genres
* What's your favorite color?: either grey, or a greyish blue
* What's a hobby you have?: writing, drawing
* If you could live anywhere, where would it be? NEW YORK, NEW YORK , so i guess i'm pretty lucky |
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| To summer Nights |
[May. 26th, 2006|10:23 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Family guy humming in the background | ] |
Summer is nice, you can relax and do nothing it is also really boring. I am going to clean like mad tomorrow, Just to give myself something to do. I am going to look for a job because that would be a good thing to have this summer. So I don't sit here waiting for my next meal to come.
I have mentioned I am on south beach, I an in the first phase the no/low carb stage. I have basically lost a pound a day. I don't want it to slow down. I know it will. I don't know if I am recovering or just getting rid of bulimia, which I would be perfectly happen with. I know I am not dealing with any of the mental problems which is basically all an eating disorder is so no I am not recovering really, I am just not throwing up anymore
It is a beautiful night but since I have no friends I am home with my dog watching adult swim, oh summer you will never change, I always have so much hope for summer then it comes and it sucks, at least I get to lose weight. I think I start some sort of web page every summer to deal with my weight loss. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 25th, 2006|02:03 am] |
Did nothing today as usual but smoked pot, as usual. I laid out just doing nothing with my best friend for a while and Have officially learned how to shake my munchies a thing that I am quite proud of, considering I no longer consume alcohol and I still like getting high... anyway I did well today I am on the road to recovery and I am maintaining the South Beach Diet pretty well and I feel like I am losing weight, unfortunately I have been getting cravings, which pisses me off.
I took pictures today while high... I call it Suburban desperation
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| (no subject) |
[May. 23rd, 2006|05:07 am] |
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I am going to apply for a job tomorrow it will be grand I will most likely not have this for very long, I am not the type, but i say hey instead of recording my innermost personal thoughts down in a journal where i can express my self freely and reflect on my issues why don't i record it out in the open where perfect strangers can look at it and give me comments and i can feel loved indirectly |
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thefrenchqueen's journal
grumpy